Watching and feeling
The lust for life
Stirring my soul
With a spoon of memories
Some tears… Few smiles
Tender touches and bitter deeds
Was ceasing my smile, and
Stealing few moments
My essence was melting...

When silence spoke!

Banvra mann dekhne chala ek sapna...

Whenever I dream...

It comprises of you...
Not only a bit of my soul you have...
You hold my world in you...

....really can't write further...
....still I miss yOu.. @di

Being Her

'Funny'. She wanted the word to strike everyone who thought of her. It was all she wanted as a compliment. She wouldn't believe she was beautiful, intelligent or even a good human being.

"And then everyone laughed". She wanted all her stories to end with this.

However, she wasn't content, as there were people around her who were funnier and unlike her did not seem to be trying too hard.

When unable to sleep, she would fancy everyday situations and ways to add laughter to them. She could not say what motivated her to create laughter around, was it because she wanted to be liked by everyone, or because it was in fashion to have a sense of humour or perhaps she saw that it gave meaning to her life.

One fine morning, she decided to stop making jokes and start taking life seriously. That day her friends got bored but she revelled in the thought of controlling their laughter.

She realised that this power gave her more satisfaction than cracking jokes.

That day, she felt deeply happy after a long time.

That day, she realized that she was a terrible human being and began her journey to understand herself, find answers and ask questions. For the next one week she did not speak, not a single word, remained asleep for three days.

She thought she might lose her mind, but now she did not care. The next week she watched her favourite sitcoms throughout.

When fear of losing her sanity got the better of her, she decided to get a complete makeover. She cut her long hair short, got a new wardrobe and managed to look stunning, came back to reality, in the midst of her friends and then everyone laughed.

That day I gained much more than I gave…

“God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December” –James M.Barrie

Today I really decided to update my blog but I was clueless about where to start. So I decided to take a safe but sometimes chilly way of recalling the past by forcing open a crammed drawer. I was not looking for anything in particular, but something fell out at the back that helped me tide over my current problems and prompted me to write this piece…

It was 24th December 2007. There were no worries and life seemed like a cakewalk where nothing ever could go wrong. As a part of my that day schedule, I had to go to an orphanage (I’m associated with an NGO which works for the betterment of children). And that special day truly taught me a real life lesson on humility. HUMILITY, increasingly becoming an old fashioned word is one of the miraculous tool that works persistently towards personal growth. I did not know it then but now I do..!

As a part of the program we had arranged for a small Christmas party in the hall. The room was a warm and somber place in my memory voiced protection. We were a group of 5 volunteers. We spent our entire afternoon cleaning and decorating the room and arranging for the food. Everything was done with care and was well rewarded.

The children came around at 4 O’clock, a full spectrum of age groups ranging from 5 to 15, pleased and curious. Some of the shy ones looked from behind their friends and bolder ones simply stared. We were expected to make the first move, so I went ahead and said “Hello” to a small girl and stretched my hand. She was hesitant but on my insistence took my hand. Other giggling ones prompted by her achievement approached me and soon after I was surrounded. If there was one thing that I sensed the kids severely missed was the sense of human touch. Once they are closer, all the kids wanted to do was just hang around you, on you, feel you, touch you, prod you and all with a smiling face. It was nearly impossible to guess their gory past. Sia, one of younger girls had lost an eye and nearly half her face in a family brawl. Her father in an attempt to hit her mother had thrown a burning lantern that hit her instead, right on the face. Having survived a second degree burn, an abusive father, a helpless mother and a mental depression of being the third girl child, at the age of 8 she was sent to the orphanage. Then, at an age of 10 she was diagnosed to be diabetic and epileptic…

After finishing the party something to the effect that I have done something for the society, I came back home.

Today as I choose to sit and grumble about a backbreaking day, a yelling teacher or a tiff at home, I remember those beaming faces. By comparison they are the ones with no parents to guide and no money to support and a scary past. They probably weren’t even wanted in this word…

Here I am surrounded with my family, friends and relatives and money and still I chose to see the one nasty comment, one bad day and one bad teacher…??? And as I wonder I realize…

What I gave years back came back to me in many folds and I know, that day I gained much more than I gave…


Image Courtesy: washingtonpost.com

LIFE BEGAN WHERE SHE ENDED IT

She wore a smile

It was simple

Yet not a soul understood

Deeper

She fell

Sinking,

Eternally between petals of a rose.

Afraid.

She feared to face herself.

To look in the eyes she possessed

Her reflection chased her

And she ran

Further away

Till she could.

Running away from the sight of that rose.

Pretty it was.

And inside she choked.

Cried.

Screamed.

Shouted.

And no one listened.

She was afraid.

To be heard

To be loved

She was too afraid to live.

Alone in the darkness she spoke.

Cried.

Screamed.

And she was heard

Heard by the fairies who didn't exist.

By Santa who never came

By the magic that remained a dream

By the candle that was burning away.

Melting slowly.

Softly

Like the touch of the rose petal

It was dying

Burning down

Gathering memories,Tears, smiles and pains

It died.

And so did she.

She lay in a pool of blood.

ALONE.

UNAFRAID.